Recently a bunch of people asked me why it is that I don’t have a boyfriend then comes the question of why I don’t get one. I am a very open person and I don’t mind sharing stories but they often come out in conversations I am having with others IF the opportunity comes up. I love to share my stories to help others, so no big deal. At first, these questions didn’t both me but when started to happen more often, I started to get a bit perplexed about what the big deal was an why people are asking me all of the time.
Not that it’s anyone’s business but since this seems to be an important topic when it comes to me lately.
I’ve tried the whole dating thing. I was excited – I hadn’t been on a date in over 6 years so it was new and I was stoked! It’s always super exciting, until you end up doing it. The process is not fun – having to swipe left and right and repeat yourself over and over again about how you love long walks to the liquor store and blah blah blah.
My fingers hurt just thinking about it.
I cheated. I’ve paid for the weekly or monthly service to Bumble when I tried it just to know who swiped me first. I do this because I can’t waste all that time swiping but also because I don’t want to feel like crap when I swipe right to someone and never get a swipe right back. I would be kinda hurt so I’ve gotta protect that heart. When I finally swipe and start to talk, it goes one of two ways: amazing conversations leaving me laughing and excited to see the next text or it’s like pulling teeth trying to get any information out of them, and I just delete them.
The frustrating part is for those who I connect well with, I tend to lose interest fast because we can never get the time to meet. Everyone seems to have schedules that conflict with mine or vice-versa. This is especially hard when trying the dating world of other single parents. You’re working with conflicting schedules and you’re both so busy that you don’t get time to talk to get to know each other and of course you live a fair amount of distance apart that even trying to get together quickly feels like it’s almost impossible.
I just take it as a sign that it’s not meant to be.
I work full time and when I come home it’s dinner, play, bath, bed. If it’s not that, I’m taking them to their appointments or extracurricular activities in the evenings. When I put the kids to bed, I’m exhausted but I’ve still got to stay up to clean the house and do the dishes – once that is done, I’m lucky if I can stay up to brush my teeth. I don’t have the luxury that their father does of doing anything he wants, including dating to try and find his match.
I have primary custody of my kids and for the most part, have only every other weekend to myself which is not enough time or energy to investing into trying find a partner. Sure I could go on a bunch of dates but knowing that I can’t put for the time or effort into pursing potential relationships makes no sense for me to go out and basically waste my/their time and money.
Until my kids are older, the person I would choose date wouldn’t be stepping close to my children for a very long time – and that’s not fair to someone else. Because I have a history of sexual abuse when I was young, this guards me like crazy. Say I was to start dating when the kids were old enough to tell me if something did happen to them, the fact that I got into a relationship and put them in that spot is what would kill me.
Honestly, I just don’t have the desire.
Don’t get me wrong, I miss the physical touch and having someone to tell all my stuff to. I have dreams of just hugging people that aren’t my type at all and that’s probably because it’s been over 2.5 years that I’ve been with anyone – and I miss it. No hugs or cuddles at all but I’m human so I need that once in a while and I’m feeling a bit deprived. Of course, since I am avoiding the dating scene, I don’t expect it to come any time soon.
I’m a firm believer that when you area ready, things will come to you. When I feel ready, I will actively purse the dating world but being able to see my children grow into kind, intellectual and driven adults is what I am focused on. Teaching them compassion, seeing them grow, taking them to their appointments, being their chauffeur, first words, loose teeth, brushing teeth, shitty diapers, screaming fits, boy problems, girl problems and teenage problems. To me, I would rather focus on that, enjoy it while I can because I know that (too) soon enough, they will grow up and no longer need me.
So simply put, it’s my choice and a choice that I am fine with. If someone comes and it’s meant to be, great. If not, I will continue to push through on my own and I am also happy with that just as well.
Most people don’t plan on being single parents except Octomom and celebrities and maybe a few other “normal” people out in the world but it gives me a whole new respect for single parents. We do our best for the most part and that’s all we can really do. Hopefully everyone has support systems out there that can help both physically and emotionally and if you don’t, well….I can be your new friend!
I don’t have many of those these days! 😀